Thursday, October 23, 2014

Lessons in losing

It has been 19 days since my mom took her last breath and 2 weeks since the funeral.
I know what I am feeling, I have felt it all before.
After suffering 3 miscarriages, I know something about the pain of loss.
Some may think I am being dramatic and how can losing someone 
I never really met compare with losing my mother? 
People don't realize that when you loss a baby, even early on, you morn for that baby.
For the mother you might have been, for the life you could have held.
It is a death even if no one else feels it.

Here are a few things I have learned from my experience.
  • I will have good days, okay days, wonderful days and horrible days. Sometimes all in one day.
  • I will want to talk about it and then in the same breath want to be alone.
  • First will be the hardest.  The holidays are upon us and we will have to find our way through them.  Hold onto traditions and maybe find some new ones.
  • I will have anxiety and depression.
  • Nights are the hardest.  I yelled at my kids tonight while we read scriptures and growled through family prayer. Also threatened their very existence if they didn't go straight to bed. A mom win!
  • I will dodge your calls and maybe even you.  I might hide in my house.  
  • I also am not a great homebody so I will need to get out, asap!  
  • I will struggle, the pain is real.  It feels like you may just be crushed by it, but hour after hour and day after day life will go on. So shall I.

How shall I go on?
There is only one way I know how, one that I have tested and found true.
  • To kneel in prayer!  Ask for strength and guidance. To thank the Lord for all I have.
  • Daily scripture study.  
  • Temple attendance is an amazing part.  I have set a goal to go weekly!  After we lost Levi, I questioned my faith and feel into a pretty deep depression.  I found my way back out after to long of a time.  I didn't make the Temple a priority and hardly ever went.  Lesson learned!
  • Partaking of the Sacrament.
  • Remembering that I have 5 kids and a husband who need me.  If all I can do is have them lay down for bed and know that I love them, that is enough!  You know kinda like yelling at them to go to bed.
Basically the only way through is to rely on our Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ!
They are the light and the truth, they're is no other way.  
I can not handle all that life has thrown at me on my own, but through the Atonement of our Savior
I can do and handle all things.

My life lesson's have taught me that there is no other way!
The Lord is there for you and all you have to do is ask and then act.

1 comment:

megitys said...

You are doing your best and that is good enough! You actually handle things quite well. Thank you for being an example to me! Love you and your family!

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