Thursday, September 15, 2016

The Thunder Rolled

Last night right after all my little one's minus Fisher were all settle in their beds.
Drinks, bathroom and philosophizing completed.
As I sat on the couch snuggling an almost asleep Fisher,
a storm let loose with lightening and thunder right above our home.
It rattled the house and us.

I took a moment to settle myself and than headed straight 
to my littlest ones room. 
Sure enough they were terrified!

Pretty soon everyone was in the family room!
Dallin only stayed up for a moment before heading back to bed,
the others needed some help to calm themselves.
So we talked and watch some cartoons.
Around 10 pm everyone was back to bed and fell asleep to the sound of rain.

P.S. I truly have never heard thunder as loud as I did last night!

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Schizophrenia sucks

I have a child with a server mental illness.
Someday's are great and some are super hard.
There are a lot of okay days and kinda hard.
Today is a hard day.
Today is a he can't get out of bed to do the things he needs to.
Today is a will he ever be able to really go to school?
Today is a reminder that his mind is broken 
and the life I had hoped for him when he was younger
will most likely never happen.
Today I am tired and have been 
trying to help him get back to who he was for the past two years.
He most likely will never be who he once was.
Schizophrenia stole my son from me.
One day he was who he had always been.
Happy, tons of friends, social, loved school and the tuba.
The next like a flash and he was someone else.
Now he lays in his bed unable to deal with
the social pressure, full of anxiety.
My heart breaks because for the first time we had so much real hope.
He's on a new med that has been amazing.
I started to see that future for him again and today it feels so out of reach.
 How do you mourn someone who is right in front of you,
someone you carried inside you, held, sang songs to?
Someone you watch and guided, someone who had so much life and laughter?
Someone who only at the age of 15 was taken from you?
You mourn their future and what could have been
and you love and embrace who they are now.
Today I am also grateful because it's just a kinda hard day and not a super hard one.
Today I'll say a prayer for my son and lean on my Savior.
There is always hope, it's just in a different future.
There is always love. 

Tuesday, August 30, 2016


Milo and Evie wanted to walk home from school by themselves yesterday!
Break my mama heart!

I sat by the front window like a crazy person.  
I ran to the door when I saw them walking up and was greeted with hugs
and a since of accomplishment!
Also funny stories from the day and a not so funny
one of a girl in Evie's class who pulled her hair.

Monday, August 29, 2016

Lil Pranksters

Milo and Evie put the turd in Saturday night!
While I thought they were playing happily out side,
they were happily putting conditioner and grass on my car.  

When I saw it I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry or yell!
I was already feeling broken by the first week of school!
Why did summer have to end?!

I didn't yell or cry,
I quietly sent them to bed and told them to never prank my car again.
They thought I would think it was funny and which I'm sure I will at some point.
Justin thought it was funny right away.
Although he was gone and only heard about it after the car was all cleaned up.

Being mom is hard sometimes.
Sometimes I want to run away!  Not forever but a weekend alone would be nice.
I am grateful for my role as mother.  I love my chicklets with all my heart.
They give me purpose and a reason to grow and be who the lord wants me to be.
With all that said, I think for Christmas I'm going to ask for a weekend away by myself!

Friday, August 26, 2016

2 Months!

Fisher is already two months! Crazy how fast time flies by!

It makes me laugh how big his head is!
I am sure he will grow into it one day soon!

Fisher at two months is smiling and babbling up a storm!
He complained for sometime about his shots.

He is sleeping about 8 hours a night!
Can I get a hallelujah!

He also loves being outside!
Nothing calms him down like be out in the fresh air!

His neck muscles are tight on his right side and so
we are doing some stretches to help losing them up.
Which is why he usually looks left. 

So glad to have this little man in our home!

Thursday, August 25, 2016


We did one last summer hooray before school started 
and celebrated what would have been my mom's 62nd birthday! 

Fisher and I pretty much just hung out while Lauren, Evie and Milo 
went on water slides and swam at Cherry Hill with their cousins!

We slept in Grandpa's trailer and the next day really celebrated my mom's birthday
with a trip to Leatherby's!  My favorite is the Almond Joy Sunday with a side of caramel! 
My mom would have loved it!

Also on the 18th I was able to spend sometime with Mike.
It was good to see him and watch what a good big brother he is to Fisher.
I pray that he will be able to see what will give him true happiness 
and that he will find his path back.
We love and miss him.

Justin was off jet setting to pick Dallin up from Texas!
So glad to have Dal home and so thankful that with the help from the program 
in Texas and the med changes that he is doing so well!
There is always hope and his future is full of hope.

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

A Name

Fisher was given a name and a blessing on Aug 7th, by his wonderful dad!

I am so thankful to have a husband who loves the Lord and the Priesthood that 
he was given by the Lord.
He blessed Fisher to know that the Lord loves him and that he would be able to 
find his role, his purpose on the earth.

I have been thinking a lot about the Plan of Salvation.
We had a friend pass away from cancer and she left two young girls behind
and her amazing eternal companion.  With the joy of Fishers birth and the sadness
of Sheri's death, plus feeling the lose of my own mother.
It's hard not having her here to share all that Fisher is.
I would see mother and daughters shopping together, preparing for
a new little one in their families. And at times it would break my heart.
I would have to count to get control over my emotions.

I am so thankful to know the Plan!
That there is a purpose to everything.  That all this sorrow will be swallowed up 
by redeeming forces.  By my Savior, who I love with all my heart.
Because of him I have JOY, because of him I will be reunited with
loved ones who have gone on before me, because of him my family is eternal,
because of him Sheri's family will hug her once more.

The Plan of Salvation is amazingly wonderful and
truly is the Plan of Happiness!

JustKemistry, our Family, Life and Love