The Thunder Rolled

Last night right after all my little one's minus Fisher were all settle in their beds.

Drinks, bathroom and philosophizing completed.

As I sat on the couch snuggling an almost asleep Fisher,

a storm let loose with lightening and thunder right above our home.

It rattled the house and us.

I took a moment to settle myself and than headed straight 

to my littlest ones room. 

Sure enough they were terrified!

Pretty soon everyone was in the family room!

Dallin only stayed up for a moment before heading back to bed,

the others needed some help to calm themselves.

So we talked and watch some cartoons.

Around 10 pm everyone was back to bed and fell asleep to the sound of rain.

P.S. I truly have never heard thunder as loud as I did last night!

Schizophrenia sucks

I have a child with a server mental illness.

Someday's are great and some are super hard.

There are a lot of okay days and kinda hard.

Today is a hard day.

Today is a he can't get out of bed to do the things he needs to.

Today is a will he ever be able to really go to school?

Today is a reminder that his mind is broken 

and the life I had hoped for him when he was younger

will most likely never happen.

Today I am tired and have been 

trying to help him get back to who he was for the past two years.

He most likely will never be who he once was.

Schizophrenia stole my son from me.

One day he was who he had always been.

Happy, tons of friends, social, loved school and the tuba.

The next like a flash and he was someone else.

Now he lays in his bed unable to deal with

the social pressure, full of anxiety.

My heart breaks because for the first time we had so much real hope.

He's on a new med that has been amazing.

I started to see that future for him again and today it feels so out of reach.

 How do you mourn someone who is right in front of you,

someone you carried inside you, held, sang songs to?

Someone you watch and guided, someone who had so much life and laughter?

Someone who only at the age of 15 was taken from you?

You mourn their future and what could have been

and you love and embrace who they are now.

Today I am also grateful because it's just a kinda hard day and not a super hard one.

Today I'll say a prayer for my son and lean on my Savior.

There is always hope, it's just in a different future.

There is always love. 

Milestones

Milo and Evie wanted to walk home from school by themselves yesterday!

Break my mama heart!

I sat by the front window like a crazy person.  

I ran to the door when I saw them walking up and was greeted with hugs

and a since of accomplishment!

Also funny stories from the day and a not so funny

one of a girl in Evie's class who pulled her hair.

Lil Pranksters

Milo and Evie put the turd in Saturday night!

While I thought they were playing happily out side,

they were happily putting conditioner and grass on my car.  

When I saw it I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry or yell!

I was already feeling broken by the first week of school!

Why did summer have to end?!

I didn't yell or cry,

I quietly sent them to bed and told them to never prank my car again.

They thought I would think it was funny and which I'm sure I will at some point.

Justin thought it was funny right away.

Although he was gone and only heard about it after the car was all cleaned up.

Being mom is hard sometimes.

Sometimes I want to run away!  Not forever but a weekend alone would be nice.

I am grateful for my role as mother.  I love my chicklets with all my heart.

They give me purpose and a reason to grow and be who the lord wants me to be.

With all that said, I think for Christmas I'm going to ask for a weekend away by myself!

2 Months!

Fisher is already two months! Crazy how fast time flies by!

It makes me laugh how big his head is!

I am sure he will grow into it one day soon!

Fisher at two months is smiling and babbling up a storm!

He complained for sometime about his shots.

He is sleeping about 8 hours a night!

Can I get a hallelujah!

He also loves being outside!

Nothing calms him down like be out in the fresh air!

His neck muscles are tight on his right side and so

we are doing some stretches to help losing them up.

Which is why he usually looks left. 

So glad to have this little man in our home!

Staycation

We did one last summer hooray before school started 

and celebrated what would have been my mom's 62nd birthday! 

Fisher and I pretty much just hung out while Lauren, Evie and Milo 

went on water slides and swam at Cherry Hill with their cousins!

We slept in Grandpa's trailer and the next day really celebrated my mom's birthday

with a trip to Leatherby's!  My favorite is the Almond Joy Sunday with a side of caramel! 

My mom would have loved it!

Also on the 18th I was able to spend sometime with Mike.

It was good to see him and watch what a good big brother he is to Fisher.

I pray that he will be able to see what will give him true happiness 

and that he will find his path back.

We love and miss him.

Justin was off jet setting to pick Dallin up from Texas!

So glad to have Dal home and so thankful that with the help from the program 

in Texas and the med changes that he is doing so well!

There is always hope and his future is full of hope.

A Name

Fisher was given a name and a blessing on Aug 7th, by his wonderful dad!

I am so thankful to have a husband who loves the Lord and the Priesthood that 

he was given by the Lord.

He blessed Fisher to know that the Lord loves him and that he would be able to 

find his role, his purpose on the earth.

I have been thinking a lot about the Plan of Salvation.

We had a friend pass away from cancer and she left two young girls behind

and her amazing eternal companion.  With the joy of Fishers birth and the sadness

of Sheri's death, plus feeling the lose of my own mother.

It's hard not having her here to share all that Fisher is.

I would see mother and daughters shopping together, preparing for

a new little one in their families. And at times it would break my heart.

I would have to count to get control over my emotions.

I am so thankful to know the Plan!

That there is a purpose to everything.  That all this sorrow will be swallowed up 

by redeeming forces.  By my Savior, who I love with all my heart.

Because of him I have JOY, because of him I will be reunited with

loved ones who have gone on before me, because of him my family is eternal,

because of him Sheri's family will hug her once more.

The Plan of Salvation is amazingly wonderful and

truly is the Plan of Happiness!

1 in 1000

A super fun Fisher fact:

Sometime while he was in utero Fisher tied a knot in his umbilical cord!

My doctor was truly fascinated by it, I was truly fascinated with Fisher.

How could you not be instantly in love with those jowls?

Fisher 3

I love his hallelujah arms, his I love you hand which almost a rock on hand 

and the fact he is sucking on his lower lip!

Mr Blue Sky

Fisher Isaac Thompson

Mr Blue Sky!

7 lbs 15 oz, 20 inches

On June 17 2016 we welcomed Fisher into our family!

We fell instantly in love.

He is named Fisher after my Grandpa Fisher, my mother's father.

Isaac partly because I love the name and the meaning and 

partly because he is my son who we had in our old age ;)

and we waited along time for him to join our family!

His entry into the world was completely normal and insanely wonderful.

I was induced at 38 weeks, which was the only perk of having gestational diabetes,

which we jokingly called babybetes.

My labor only lasted about 6 hours and once Fisher was handed to me he

cried for a good 2 and a half hours!

I was afraid he came out with colic and for the next foreseeable future

he would be crying and I was pretty sure I would be crying right along with him. 

Luckily my fears where unfounded and he is a wonderful baby.

The night of his birth we had lots of family and friends visit,

which I loved!

My favorite was when my other kids got to meet their new brother!

Lauren thanked me for having him.

Dallin was in the hospital because his meds were getting changed

and Mike still wasn't home from his group home.

It broke my heart not having them there and the fact that my mom was missing!

I may have had a good cry about it in the early morning hours

 as I held my fresh from heaven baby boy.

Dallin meet him when he was 4 days old and Mike when he was a month.

I am so grateful to once again be a new mom!

He has healed my heart in so many ways.

He is a little piece of heaven.